seventy-third (2023-04-18)
“sometimes in utter hopelessness i put my cheek on the table like it was someone. i wanted to wake my brain up and be loved" - eileen myles, in inferno
photo of me by steph byce in one of my two summer outfits that i will be repeating until november
now that it is spring (allegedly) i will be compulsively biking instead of compulsively reading, so i’m moving my schedule to publish once every two weeks. maybe it will be more often if the weather remains full of hail #YOLO
poem (click here for my full list of poems on the docket for 2023)
Jack Gilbert, “A Brief for the Defense”
We must admit there will be music despite everything.
i like this poem for right now. we have incredible access to knowledge of the world’s suffering and feel a moral imperative to be informed, but because being informed does not readily lend itself to action, we’re left in a hamster wheel of outrage generation and self-blame. i’ve been thinking that many of us have a mild version of perpetual survivor’s guilt for being less affected by life’s injustices. but we need joy, we need light, we need to not stick our heads in the sand but to act as if the world we want to build is here, and joy is required for lives worth living.
books
i am not your perfect mexican daughter by erika sanchez, 2017
erika and i have a mutual friend (the talented multidisciplinary elizabeth schmuhl) and years ago we read at an event elizabeth put on. now erika and i are obviously on similar trajectories as she’s a bestselling author and i am the acclaimed writer of this very substack. but anyway - i loved this. i’m not typically a YA reader but was moved by the specificity of the narrator’s listlessness/anxiety/powerlessness/etc. that is central to the adolescent experience. sanchez favors complexity over neatness throughout and the detailed telling of the immigrant experience (in chicago!) is illuminating and nuanced, even if the plot if a little holey at times (i.e. how did a student with mediocre grades and no extracurriculars get a full ride to NYU?).
funny weather: art in an emergency by olivia laing, 2020
this is a collection of laing’s essays on art and artists and why art matters in a bleak political environment. many of my favorites are players here - agnes martin, jean-michel basquiat, maggie nelson - but this felt flat and a bit disjointed despite feeling drawn in by the artists. i’m puzzled by my response so i will leave it here - idk!
podcast
connor’s wedding, the succession podcast, 2023
i am a kara swisher stan for a million reasons - capitalist lesbian girlboss who wears sunglasses 24/7, has toddlers at 60, and never sleeps - but somehow i missed the memo that she hosted the succession podcast. this was a fantastic capture of one of the best episodes (s4e3) so far, and the show’s creator, director, and actor who plays logan (brian cox) were fascinating. brian cox in particular is hilarious - he insists that he never watches the finished episodes “because it’s bad enough filming them” and swears like a sailor.
articles
marriage isn’t hard work; it’s serious play by nina li coomes, 2023, in the atlantic
…I feel most married when our meticulous planning falls apart but we realize we’re flexible and resilient enough to start again—because our relationship is founded on more than the careful dance of logistics.
this was eye-opening in a way that makes me feel silly for not recognizing these truths earlier. that is, i didn’t know the trope that “marriage is work” is relatively recent and targeted at women to both dissuade divorce and to usher in a new industry of marriage and relationship advice. i wonder what the framing of “marriage is work” does to us - how it inhibits our ability to be present and derive pleasure from the simple act of having a partner who is themselves flawed and imperfect and yet choosing to be with you, which seems to be a small miracle in itself.
thanks for reading - more to come -
bria